Symmetry is a scam.

During the current times of social media, one thing people choose to pick at is how people look and they heavily influence the way people’s brains work.

I have body dysmorphia, which is a mental health condition where someone may hyperfixate about flaws in their appearance which are often not noticed by others, which can lead to anxiety, isolation or other issues in a person’s everyday life. This is from consistent years of bullying from kids, and over time I have struggled to trust people, even struggling to eat in front of my own friends because I have the consistent fear that people will and are going to make fun of me for eating anything because of the way I look.

I have always struggled with accepting my appearance, and I still do at times because of how the connections in my brain had been formed to see myself as unfit for the public eye. At times I feel I look pretty and I’ll look back on selfies and say “wow that girl is pretty,” yet I forget I am that girl, because whenever I look in the mirror or see pictures of myself taken by other people I see something different. 

My partner has helped me get over this slowly more and more as I am finally beginning to accept the way I look, but still there are days where I see myself in the reflection and just wish I could go and crawl up into a ball.

Speaking of that, one of my rules has always been to avoid looking at myself other than my makeup in my pocket mirror, because I will begin to space out and realize and pick on the way I look, and continuously tell myself how I could have dressed better or changed something I did in the morning. But ultimately it doesn’t matter.

A saying I made caused me to realize that maybe I am pretty. “Symmetry is a scam.” Yes, people can be beautiful no matter what, but focusing on your appearance alone isn’t going to help you in the long run — you need to be able to have self-love, whether you’re perfect or not. The little things that make us imperfect are the things that do make us perfect — it’s what makes us who we are at the end of the day.

That little freckle on your cheek that you hate, somebody might find it the most beautiful feature in the world. The little gap between our two front teeth might be cute. Everything about our appearance is special, no matter how you look. Because if you’re unable to accept yourself, how will you ever be able to accept the thought of somebody loving you as you are?

Below is a piece I entered into an art competition trying to get people to understand how my mind works, and how each day it seems as if something on my face shifts. Because even though everyday it seems as if my eyes are further apart, or that my tummy got bigger and then smaller the next day, I still accept myself in the end.